August, 20 2012
Sharing an article
I don't think I have ever shared an article -- this one is so good I wanted to pass it on with attribution...
Five Ways to Regroup in the Face of Failure - By Carolyn B. Ellis ***
Failure and rejection are tough pills to swallow. But sometimes they prove to be the best medicine in the long term.
Let me explain.
We live in a fast-moving, success-driven, "quick fix" oriented society. Encountering disappointment, under performance or outright failure it is something that can feel like a punch to the gut.
Perhaps you launched what you thought was an awesome program, but didn't get the sign-ups you wanted. You booked the room for your workshop and only 2 people besides your mom showed up.
Maybe you did "all the right things" by your children, but one of them ends up hanging out with the wrong crowd and getting into trouble anyway.
Or you've just found yourself in the most amazing relationship, only to discover your partner has cold feet about taking things to the next level of connection.
In every sphere of life there will be moments where our conviction to stand confidently in our brilliance and stay true to our heart will be tested. If we're not careful, the Gremlin I call "The Pushover" can show up to derail you.
The Pushover wants you to run for the hills and take cover in the safety of your normal routines. The Pushover takes the wind out of your sails to deter you from stepping boldly into a new ventures, relationships or experiences.
But having a strong Brilliance Backbone ™ means your Conviction vertebra is healthy and flexible so you can regroup after a setback. You are willing to stand your ground. It's what helps you bring life to ideas or plans that fly in the face of conventional wisdom or criticism from naysayers.
To keep that Conviction part of your Brilliance Backbone ™ in strong working order, you need to regroup and do it quickly. Here are 5 keys to help you regroup from failure and turn setbacks into solid success.
Key #1 - Breathe
Dealing with failure or rejection feels like a threat to our safety at some level. So our good old "flight or fight" response gets triggered. With all that adrenalin rushing through our body it's hard to think clearly about anything!
Taking some deep belly breaths for even just a minute will help short-circuit your reactivity that comes when our reptilian brain gets triggered. Deep breathing allows you to access your prefrontal cortex that governs your decision-making capabilities.
Key #2 - Regroup
The Chinese have a proverb - "Fall down seven times, get up eight." When things don't go as you'd planned, the ability to pick yourself up and keep on going is key.
Rather than see failure or disappointment as a sign from the Universe to stop altogether, view it as an opportunity to gather the additional wisdom and resilience you need to move more powerfully into lasting success. Choose to regroup, rather than stay stuck and gripe.
Key #3 - Pan Back and Get the Big Picture
You worked so hard, had such great intentions and yet you still got rejected. Sometimes the sting of failure feels so personal because the Pushover tends to lose sight of the big picture.
Imagine you're the director of this movie called "Your Life" and it's time to "Pan back" the cameras to get the wide-angle shot. Choosing to see the bigger picture helps you remember your vision, your Brilliant WHY. Connecting to who you're meant to serve, or the love and truth you want to have in your life, can help get you ready and motivated to get back in the game.
Key #4 - The W-W-W Formula
Now that you've got the bigger perspective, it's time to use the W-W-W Formula.
Objectively assess the following questions:
W - What worked?
W - What didn't work?
W - What would you do differently the next time?
Engage your brilliant brain into answering these questions and just watch how quickly your Pushover gets crowded out of your awareness. These answers invoke rich, straight-forward insights and data points that will help you make needed course corrections.
Key #5 - Give Yourself Permission to Fail
Failure is a necessary ingredient of our brilliance and success. Let's give up the need for perfectionism and the myth of instant success. What if Mother Nature had decided that evolution and natural selection weren't such good ideas? Our world would be robbed of so much beauty and diversity if Mother Nature was a perfectionist, unwilling to experiment and evolve along the way.
Give yourself permission to fail. Make it your intention to fail quickly and often. That way you can gather up so much wisdom and polishing to take with you so you can step forward in greater strength and brilliance the next time.
** To comment on this article or to read comments about this article, go here.
About the Author:
As an internationally acclaimed business coach, author and media personality, Carolyn Ellis, the SelfGrowth.com Official Guide to Entrepreneurs, has helped thousands of women reclaim their financial future and radically transform their lives.
Through her company, Brilliance Mastery, Carolyn has the privilege of helping brilliant women and conscious entrepreneurs reconstruct and realign their businesses in order to present their great work more clearly, powerfully and profitably to the world.
Carolyn is the award-winning author of The 7 Pitfalls of Single Parenting: What to Avoid to Help Your Children Thrive after Divorce, and the popular "Bits of Brilliance" and THRIVE Guide e-newsletters, which are enjoyed by thousands of subscribers from across the globe.
In addition to her experienced gained in the school of life, she is also a Certified Money, Marketing and Soul Coach ™ and a Money Breakthrough Method ™ Coach. She has trained with some of the world's greatest transformational and marketing leaders, and has in fact been engaged by many of them to assist their personal clients with their business and coaching needs.
April, 17 2012
Wrong? Are you sure?
I have been hearing a lot of "judging" lately. Of course, the 24 hour news cycle is more than a little to blame. The media carp endlessly about one thing or another day and night. However, us folks -- you and me --are only too eager to judge -- we make the other guy wrong. That's what judging is really all about -- My point of view is right therefore you are wrong. Nnnnnnnnn...maybe not so.
Many years ago I worked for a very difficult woman. I could and would point out to anyone who would listen what she did that I didn't like (my opinion, obviously!) One day someone said to me -- Beth, you are making her wrong. Well, I was sure that she was but I hadn't thought of our disagreements that way. When I heard my cohort say, "you are making her wrong," I felt that someone had splashed cold water in my face. The statement hit me hard. I had to take a breath. Yes, I was making her wrong. In my righteousness, I had no room for her position at all. I took a look at her situation and I saw how intractable I had become.
Since that time, I have learned to examine the judgments that I make. I may not agree with someone, but I can soften my "rightness" and I can do it without wimpiness. I have alternatives for expressing my opinion and certainly for following my own guidance.
I don't need to make anyone wrong. It's amazing how being less judgmental has helped me in business and in my personal life.
March, 22 2012
Confidence is Everything
If we don't believe in ourselves, it is going to be difficult to have anyone believe in us. It's a fundamental truth. In business especially, one needs to believe in his/her service and product and MORE --
Confidence is the belief in one's excellence and desire to be excellent.
I'm not sure what has happened to confidence. Parents speak of building self esteem in their children but their children are watching them -- WE ALL ARE. If we don't see you believing in yourself then why should we believe in you?
The way to strengthen confidence in yourself is by watching the language you use. All too often our words doom us to being intimidated when we don't know answers or have a plan. How often do you or someone you know say, "It's hard to...." By starting a sentence that way, one takes the joy away from a new project or idea...Try substituting upbeat and positive words in your language and watch your confidence build.
Constant Vigilance -- It will pay huge dividends.
January, 03 2012
I'm all for putting more "WooHoo" into everything I do.
Putting in "WooHoo" to me means looking for the exclamation point in all my efforts -- work, personal relationships, fun (especially fun), health, movement and all actions good and wonderful.
Say the words -- WOO HOO -- it seems to take me to a different place in my brain. That place is very present. That place has energy. That place doesn't dispute my plan. THAT is a gooooooooood place.
I heard the word, Woo Hoo, on a webinar over the New Year. I adored the excitement of the Woo Hoo.
We are always going to be taking risks in life. We mustn't continue to fear them.
We live in a world that gives high ratings to very stupid television programs -- we don't need to watch them.
Lifelong learning is easier than ever -- go for it.
Find the Woo Hoo -- the joy -- the exuberance every day this year. We owe it to ourselves.